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The Vanilla Sky
And I'm Top Gun
Created on 2006-04-19 02:58:28 (#10062108), last updated 2007-11-04
169 comments received, 7,024 comments posted
Plus Account [Gift]
35 Journal Entries, 8 Tags, 8 Memories, <10 ScrapBook Files, 0 Virtual Gifts, 15 Userpics
Basic Info| Name: | t0mcruise |
|---|---|
| Birthdate: | 1962-07-03 |
| Location: | Hollywood, CA |
Contact:
tomprinciples@yahoo.com BioYou don't know the history of tomorrow, I do. I am the greatest. Oh, you want to know my history, here goes:
1) I was in a street gang and I whooped a lot of ass but realized my mistakes.
2) I was a high school football star who didn't get along with the head coach.
3) During my senior year of high school my parents left me in control of the house. I ran a Risky Business in their absence. I was accepted into Princeton but didn't go because I already know everything.
4) I joined the Navy because I had the need, the need for speed. Upon enlistment I was immediately made an officer. I flew F-14 Tomcats (named after me). I often embarassed my rival Iceman Kazanski. I had a relationship with a sexy civilian instructor. My Radio Intercept Officer Goose killed himself via lethal ejection after realizing that he could never be me. I saved the world by shooting down 3 Soviet MiG-28s. Air Force and Navy recruitment skyrocketed.
5) I became a pool hustler. Pool halls sprang up all around the country.
6) I became a bartender in Jamaica and made love to a beautiful woman.
7) I learned a valuable lesson from my autistic brother. That lesson is... if you want an Academy Award you have to play gay, retarded, or ugly.
8) I took my brother's advice and decided to live it. I went back in time and joined the Marines and headed for Vietnam. I was paralyzed and came home and protested the war. My protesting caused U.S. involvement in the war to end in 1973; you're welcome. I can walk today because I'm Tom Cruise.
9) I became a NASCAR driver and won the championship. NASCAR is very popular today because of me.
10) I again went back in time, this time as an Irish immigrant. My relationship heated up with the Former Mrs. Tom Cruise II.
11) I rejoined the Navy as an LTJG. I went Perry Mason on a corrupt colonel's ass.
12) I moved to Memphis and became a lawyer.
13) I briefly became a vampire and made Brad Pitt a star.
14) I became a covert agent and saved the world (you're welcome.)
15) I became a sports agent AND got the girl because I'm Tom Cruise.
16) I became a doctor and figured my wife was cheating on me and generally dragging my stardom down. So I had fun and then ditched her. Again, because I'm Tom Cruise.
17) I help many men get laided with my self help book--"Seduce and Destroy."
18) I resume my career as a covert agent and save the world again. Don't worry, you're welcome.
19) My life is a little blurry but I made love to a beautiful Spanish girl and ran down an deserted Time Square.
20) I wear braces to show kids that it's all right. Sells of braces shoot up 300%.
21) I become a time-traveling police officer and literally prevent crimes. But this is a corrupt system so I fight it by pre-perpetrating.
22) I travel back to the 1870s and modernize Japan. Japan, you're welcome.
23) I become a hired slayer and meet a comedian turned serious actor who wears funny clothes.
24) I become an average American dad, then save the world from imminent destruction by Martians. No problem folks, it's my pleasure to be your hero.
25) I ruin Matt Lauer's life by humiliating him on his own show.
26) I make Oprah a star by jumping on her couch.
27) I pick up my covert agent career again and save the world once more.
That's my life so far. It's incredible isn't it? It's like twenty lives cramed into one.
1) I was in a street gang and I whooped a lot of ass but realized my mistakes.
2) I was a high school football star who didn't get along with the head coach.
3) During my senior year of high school my parents left me in control of the house. I ran a Risky Business in their absence. I was accepted into Princeton but didn't go because I already know everything.
4) I joined the Navy because I had the need, the need for speed. Upon enlistment I was immediately made an officer. I flew F-14 Tomcats (named after me). I often embarassed my rival Iceman Kazanski. I had a relationship with a sexy civilian instructor. My Radio Intercept Officer Goose killed himself via lethal ejection after realizing that he could never be me. I saved the world by shooting down 3 Soviet MiG-28s. Air Force and Navy recruitment skyrocketed.
5) I became a pool hustler. Pool halls sprang up all around the country.
6) I became a bartender in Jamaica and made love to a beautiful woman.
7) I learned a valuable lesson from my autistic brother. That lesson is... if you want an Academy Award you have to play gay, retarded, or ugly.
8) I took my brother's advice and decided to live it. I went back in time and joined the Marines and headed for Vietnam. I was paralyzed and came home and protested the war. My protesting caused U.S. involvement in the war to end in 1973; you're welcome. I can walk today because I'm Tom Cruise.
9) I became a NASCAR driver and won the championship. NASCAR is very popular today because of me.
10) I again went back in time, this time as an Irish immigrant. My relationship heated up with the Former Mrs. Tom Cruise II.
11) I rejoined the Navy as an LTJG. I went Perry Mason on a corrupt colonel's ass.
12) I moved to Memphis and became a lawyer.
13) I briefly became a vampire and made Brad Pitt a star.
14) I became a covert agent and saved the world (you're welcome.)
15) I became a sports agent AND got the girl because I'm Tom Cruise.
16) I became a doctor and figured my wife was cheating on me and generally dragging my stardom down. So I had fun and then ditched her. Again, because I'm Tom Cruise.
17) I help many men get laided with my self help book--"Seduce and Destroy."
18) I resume my career as a covert agent and save the world again. Don't worry, you're welcome.
19) My life is a little blurry but I made love to a beautiful Spanish girl and ran down an deserted Time Square.
20) I wear braces to show kids that it's all right. Sells of braces shoot up 300%.
21) I become a time-traveling police officer and literally prevent crimes. But this is a corrupt system so I fight it by pre-perpetrating.
22) I travel back to the 1870s and modernize Japan. Japan, you're welcome.
23) I become a hired slayer and meet a comedian turned serious actor who wears funny clothes.
24) I become an average American dad, then save the world from imminent destruction by Martians. No problem folks, it's my pleasure to be your hero.
25) I ruin Matt Lauer's life by humiliating him on his own show.
26) I make Oprah a star by jumping on her couch.
27) I pick up my covert agent career again and save the world once more.
That's my life so far. It's incredible isn't it? It's like twenty lives cramed into one.
ConnectInterests (15):
admiring my toned pecs, being a guiding force, combating psychiatry, coming out against drugs, dogfights at 40000 ft, exercise, humiliating matt lauer, jumping on oprah's couch, katie holmes, loving life, meeting my fans, mi3, preventing suicides, scientology, vitamins
External Services:
 | t0mcruise@livejournal.com |
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